I’m a planner. I like things to be neat, organized, and purposeful. Since coming out of the womb, I have always thought, “I’m going to change the world.” And, in my opinion, if anyone is going to change the world – they need a plan. So, that is how I have functioned my entire life. I have thought through every detail and built a flawless plan (or so I thought) – no matter how small or large the goal, the task or job. And, really, everything would go perfectly if everyone just played their respective roles (or the roles I’ve assigned them…). But, then life happens. You know, a little hiccup or surprise causing my plans to go awry. And then, boom … C-H-A-O-S! The worst part is, I don’t have a Plan B because I was too busy building Plan A which should have gone flawlessly so a Plan B just sounds silly.
Currently, I’m learning the lesson I have been trying to learn my entire life… I am not God and am not in control of everything. I’ve had a few moments where I’m swimming in my thoughts, having restless nights, and heart palpitations that should just stop. It’s quite exhausting, actually.
Unfortunately, it takes a little time for me to finally get what’s missing. It’s Jesus. When I’m not spending time with Him and putting Him first, I’m out of whack. When I’m not filling myself with his word and promises I become imbalanced and an anxious mess. It’s really cute.
I read this verse the other day,
“But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me.” – 2 Timothy 4:17
and it calmed my heart. I’m reminding myself daily that it’s ok that I can’t control everything. It’s ok that I’m not perfect and that I don’t really have it all together. I know that if He and I are right, things will be more than ok.
Also, once I get it together, I pick myself up and get right back to attacking life because if there is one thing I know, it’s that I will either find a way or make one. Hopefully with Him leading the way.